Why, Why, Why?

That's all I have been asking since he left me... Why? Why did he do it? Why was it ? Did I do something wrong? Did he just stop loving me? Did I say something wrong? Did I upset him to the point he HAD to leave me? What did I do to making him leave me? Why can't I go back and change whatever I did to make him leave? Was it something I was doing wrong? Did he fall in love with someone else? What did I do to make you leave me the way you do? These are only a few of the questions that flow through my head that make me look so sad... If he would just tell me WHY he left, I would be able to not hurt and feel better and not look like my mom took my favorite teddy bear. I'm trying so hard to move on...  I wish a fairly godmother could come down and save me from the emptiness in my heart...

Found this and it fit me perfectly!!!

Well tomorrow is the big day... I'm not as excited as my mom hoped I would be... I might be tomorrow but right now I want to crawl in a hole and sing my favorite songs as loud as I can. The plans have changed alittle bit but not much. We are going to leave tomorrow, go to the wedding, leave Sunday, and go to Illinois on Monday to go the lake with my Aunt and Uncle. I hope that everything will be okay... I hope I'm not sick because my nose is stuffy and my throat is somewhat sore... but I think maybe its because I have been crying so much. We had to give the pups and Piggy to Cindy today and it made me sad to see her because it brought back so many good times, but it was nice to know that she didn't blame me for the whole breaking up thing. Well then it got worse because me and her had to go to her truck and put Piggy and the pups in there, well as soon as she opened the door, the smell of her truck smelled like him, and it took so much energy and strength not to cry right then and there. I gave her a hug and then got into the car. Well after we left my Nannies house, we had to go by Cookie's house to drop off some chicken for Piggy because she eats it for the protein, he was sitting outside waiting for us... and I haven't seen or talked to him since we broke up.. and see him again was like being stabbed in the heart about a million times...

I was listening to a song on Pandora's Radio... and its called "Heartless" by Kayne West. Its about a woman leaving a man... in my head I flip the words to make it sound like a man leaving a woman... I'm a music person, always have been... If I had to pick between music and t.v. I would pick music. The lyrics always either fits the mood or its almost like they know exactly how you feel. For example... All of my "Serious Boyfriends" and I have had "OUR SONG", such as

1. Me and Baker was "Cowboy take me away" by The Dixie Chicks
2. Me and Loki was "Somewhere over the Rainbow" by I.Z.
3. Me and Cookie was "God gave me you" by Blake Shelton

I have always admire the Lyrics to each song. There was never a time that I would actually dislike a song. I'm the type that listens to EVERYTHING.. From country to blue to rock n' roll to pop and even irish rock and celtic. I love music. 

Have you even been told that you act older than you actually are...? Well I was told that today by my Uncle... He told me for an almost 17 year old child, I act like a 21 year old adult. I have no clue if that is a complement or if that is an insult. Since my dad was in the Navy and I had to help my mom with a lot while he was gone, I had to grow up faster than a normal teenager. Yeah, I still back talk and act up sometimes but when it gets down to the nitty gritty, I have to admit I have grown up a lot faster than a typical teenager. Is the necessarily bad? No not at all. In some cases yea, like trying to find a guy that is on the same level as you are, but in some cases no, its not bad at all... Say for instance, my parents were to leave for the weekend, I would be able to watch the boys with no problems at all and mom and dad would not have to worry, or if to be left alone in the house for a week, to know that they could come back to it clean and everything that they told to be left alone would be LEFT ALONE. It has its ups and its down but I don't hate it at all. 

What if you were told that you are different? What would you do? Today while my baby brother, Wee Burger, was playing video games with his male cousins, the two younger ones that are 6 an 8 were making fun of him because he was not winning any of the games on the Wii. They pointed and laughed and said that he was different, that he didn't fit in. He came in the kitchen in tears, absolutely bawling. So as the bigger sister and the oldest of the cousins and grand-babies, I took Wee Burger outside to the swing and talked to him. He told me he was upset because they called him different... My Uncle was sitting on the other side of the porch listening to the conversation while fixing the porch, and he told Wee Burger that HE WAS DIFFERENT... because he was raised different. He told me that we all were.. Yeah I know be a Navy Brat you are raised differently from other civilian kids because you have to move a lot and adjust to new people and new schools, but he is 9, he should  NEVER be told he is different. He is the same as everyone one of those cousins in that living room. He might be a Navy Brat but at least he got to see some of the USA. Well after I sent Wee Burger in, my Uncle was started talking to me... Saying I need to go to college before I go into the Air Force... I AM SO SICK OF PEOPLE TRYING TO CHANGE MY MIND!!!! It's made up and I am sticking to it. You can't change it, no one can. Its what I have been planning for a long time... I just wish they would get off my case and except me for my decisions. I know that I will be away but who cares, I will be helping a lot of people and do what I want to do and MAYBE see the world along the way, but I doubt that. 

Well I'm going to log because I need to help my mom paint her toes for the wedding... and I want to get in a game of UNO or Rummy before bed, maybe that will make me feel better. We need to get up and pack the rest of the bags tomorrow and clean up the house so when we come home it will be clean. I know I wrote a lot but I had a lot to say. 

Goodnight, Until Next Time,

Best Wishes,

ML-MG