Why, Why, Why?

That's all I have been asking since he left me... Why? Why did he do it? Why was it ? Did I do something wrong? Did he just stop loving me? Did I say something wrong? Did I upset him to the point he HAD to leave me? What did I do to making him leave me? Why can't I go back and change whatever I did to make him leave? Was it something I was doing wrong? Did he fall in love with someone else? What did I do to make you leave me the way you do? These are only a few of the questions that flow through my head that make me look so sad... If he would just tell me WHY he left, I would be able to not hurt and feel better and not look like my mom took my favorite teddy bear. I'm trying so hard to move on...  I wish a fairly godmother could come down and save me from the emptiness in my heart...

Found this and it fit me perfectly!!!

Well tomorrow is the big day... I'm not as excited as my mom hoped I would be... I might be tomorrow but right now I want to crawl in a hole and sing my favorite songs as loud as I can. The plans have changed alittle bit but not much. We are going to leave tomorrow, go to the wedding, leave Sunday, and go to Illinois on Monday to go the lake with my Aunt and Uncle. I hope that everything will be okay... I hope I'm not sick because my nose is stuffy and my throat is somewhat sore... but I think maybe its because I have been crying so much. We had to give the pups and Piggy to Cindy today and it made me sad to see her because it brought back so many good times, but it was nice to know that she didn't blame me for the whole breaking up thing. Well then it got worse because me and her had to go to her truck and put Piggy and the pups in there, well as soon as she opened the door, the smell of her truck smelled like him, and it took so much energy and strength not to cry right then and there. I gave her a hug and then got into the car. Well after we left my Nannies house, we had to go by Cookie's house to drop off some chicken for Piggy because she eats it for the protein, he was sitting outside waiting for us... and I haven't seen or talked to him since we broke up.. and see him again was like being stabbed in the heart about a million times...

I was listening to a song on Pandora's Radio... and its called "Heartless" by Kayne West. Its about a woman leaving a man... in my head I flip the words to make it sound like a man leaving a woman... I'm a music person, always have been... If I had to pick between music and t.v. I would pick music. The lyrics always either fits the mood or its almost like they know exactly how you feel. For example... All of my "Serious Boyfriends" and I have had "OUR SONG", such as

1. Me and Baker was "Cowboy take me away" by The Dixie Chicks
2. Me and Loki was "Somewhere over the Rainbow" by I.Z.
3. Me and Cookie was "God gave me you" by Blake Shelton

I have always admire the Lyrics to each song. There was never a time that I would actually dislike a song. I'm the type that listens to EVERYTHING.. From country to blue to rock n' roll to pop and even irish rock and celtic. I love music. 

Have you even been told that you act older than you actually are...? Well I was told that today by my Uncle... He told me for an almost 17 year old child, I act like a 21 year old adult. I have no clue if that is a complement or if that is an insult. Since my dad was in the Navy and I had to help my mom with a lot while he was gone, I had to grow up faster than a normal teenager. Yeah, I still back talk and act up sometimes but when it gets down to the nitty gritty, I have to admit I have grown up a lot faster than a typical teenager. Is the necessarily bad? No not at all. In some cases yea, like trying to find a guy that is on the same level as you are, but in some cases no, its not bad at all... Say for instance, my parents were to leave for the weekend, I would be able to watch the boys with no problems at all and mom and dad would not have to worry, or if to be left alone in the house for a week, to know that they could come back to it clean and everything that they told to be left alone would be LEFT ALONE. It has its ups and its down but I don't hate it at all. 

What if you were told that you are different? What would you do? Today while my baby brother, Wee Burger, was playing video games with his male cousins, the two younger ones that are 6 an 8 were making fun of him because he was not winning any of the games on the Wii. They pointed and laughed and said that he was different, that he didn't fit in. He came in the kitchen in tears, absolutely bawling. So as the bigger sister and the oldest of the cousins and grand-babies, I took Wee Burger outside to the swing and talked to him. He told me he was upset because they called him different... My Uncle was sitting on the other side of the porch listening to the conversation while fixing the porch, and he told Wee Burger that HE WAS DIFFERENT... because he was raised different. He told me that we all were.. Yeah I know be a Navy Brat you are raised differently from other civilian kids because you have to move a lot and adjust to new people and new schools, but he is 9, he should  NEVER be told he is different. He is the same as everyone one of those cousins in that living room. He might be a Navy Brat but at least he got to see some of the USA. Well after I sent Wee Burger in, my Uncle was started talking to me... Saying I need to go to college before I go into the Air Force... I AM SO SICK OF PEOPLE TRYING TO CHANGE MY MIND!!!! It's made up and I am sticking to it. You can't change it, no one can. Its what I have been planning for a long time... I just wish they would get off my case and except me for my decisions. I know that I will be away but who cares, I will be helping a lot of people and do what I want to do and MAYBE see the world along the way, but I doubt that. 

Well I'm going to log because I need to help my mom paint her toes for the wedding... and I want to get in a game of UNO or Rummy before bed, maybe that will make me feel better. We need to get up and pack the rest of the bags tomorrow and clean up the house so when we come home it will be clean. I know I wrote a lot but I had a lot to say. 

Goodnight, Until Next Time,

Best Wishes,

ML-MG

WHO R U???

Do you remember that movie that was made in the 1951? Okay, do you remember the little cocky catipilliar that smokes... he would inhale the smoke and then exhale letters and pictures... Well I was thinking about what he said to Alice over and over during their scene together... "WHO R U?" I want to answer this... She might have had trouble answering but I know who I am and want to share...

1. I'm not a country girl nor city
2. I'm very unique in my own was
3. My name is Miranda Lynn-Marie Gordon and there is only ONE of me
4. I love my two brothers and my parents more than I could love any guy
5. I'm OBSESSED with Reese Pieces
6. I'm in the love with the band One Direction (They always seem to know exactly how to make me feel better when I am down in the dumps)
7. I'm the controller of weather (sometimes)
8. I'm kind, caring, and sometimes sweet
9. I HAVE THE WORST TEMPER EVER!!!!
10. And finally I'm going to make a great Physical Therapist in the Air Force EVER!

I know who I am, DO YOU???

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? Well at least that is what Kelly Clarkson believes... and you know what, I agree... Cookie didn't kill me or anything like that... him leaving me is slowly but surely making me stronger inside. I know he is just a boy and I will be with others just like he will be with other sluts, mean snotty, no good, blonde evil, girls. They will come and they will go, and I don't need to get attached... and I try SO hard not too but its difficult not to if they are kind at first. Sometimes you can't help but look back on the good times and smile... but when they leave then its hard to say goodbye no matter how things get. I will never forget how I met each one of my "Serious" boyfriends... Baker bought me a Popsicle and said it was for the sweetest girl in line and gave it to me... the next day in Bell's class he asked me out... that wasn't the first day I saw him. The first day I saw him was in choir my freshman year and he was the only guy in there... He was alone reading the "The Lightning Theft" and I leaned over to ask him if he was the only guy in the class and he looked at me with gorgeous blue eyes. I remember that like it was yesterday... He was always there for me at school, but whenever I wanted to hang out with him afterwards we simply couldn't (He was an athlete). I ended up leaving him (even though I really didn't want too) I left him for a guy named Jordan. He didn't last very long, very clingy. On May 1st of my sophomore year, I met Loki. He was sweet, caring, kind and an all around good guy... We spent a while with each other. He went to my birthday and then I went to his... but about December something, we started to fight about NOTHING.. we even fought about what color broccoli was.. and finally on January 5th of my junior year, we separated. He did get a little upset that I wouldn't take him back... and to be completely honest... If I could go back to the day that he say it was over... and actually listen to his apology and why he said what he said, I would have gone back with him.. but 'alast I don't have a time machine. Then finally on January 23rd, As a friend Cookie to comfort me and make me feel better for everything I was going through... he ended up asking me out.. and I said yes... but it wasn't the most romantic thing ever.. it was over email to be honest. At least the other two were more romantic about asking me out. Well from the very beginning, it was okay, but then he took me camping... exactly a week after he brought me home... we started fighting... it was horrible, absolutely horrible. That's all we ever did was fight and every single time I try to fix things he would run off to the lake to fish and avoid me. About a week ago, he left me... I blame myself, because I didn't try hard enough to keep him in my life long enough... but its whatever. I was really upset and still am to think that he is dating other people now.. not even a full 2 weeks after leaving me. It makes me think that he didn't care about me at all from the beginning... 

Tomorrow we are go drop of the pups and Piggy to Cindy's house, hoping she understands that Piggy eats human food and we have to hand feed the runt. I hope it won't be to much of a big deal, but he will not be allowed to touch the pups or Piggy... I don't want his negative hurtful energy rubbing off on them and making them into bad pups. I don't talk to them much anymore.. it hurts to think about her because she was so nice and not even 2 days before he left me, she said that if he left me, we would still be friends...  Ha the only friend I have right now is Hannah... and my mom but she already made it clear that she is my mom, my mentor and will not be my friend until I have kids of my own and know how it feels to be annoyed. I don't blame her.. I'm annoying... and I'm talkitive alot... but its part of who I am...

Now with that.. I'm going to try to find something to do until 3 in the morning so I can feed Little Man...

Goodnight, Until next time

Best Wishes,
ML-MG